Author: Pierre-Richard Ducasse

I have been sitting on this one for a while now but a recent conversation with my sister brought the topic back up.

Recently my sister was trying to recruit me or mainly my wife to join her in an old school Slow Jam/R&B night out. While talking we all wondered if they would be playing any R. Kelly songs. The discussion continued, one thing led to another and we got on Cosby.

Obviously this subject is full of landmines and attempting to discuss the pros and cons of the Cosby legacy should be left to the professionals. (Ie, See Dave Chappelle Netflix special)

So here I am diving into the hot lava.

To start I am not here to discuss guilt, trial, fairness of sentence vis-à-vis other celebrities etc. Guilty is guilty just because someone else gets away with something doesn’t mean he should.

I am only here to talk about consumption of the art, in this case the multiple television shows that a lot of us in the black community grew up on; The Cosby Show, A Different world, Fat Albert and the big one in our home “Little Bill.”

The wife and I have had many discussions about this over the last year and we tend to be on the same page on this issue. We eventually came to realize that we consider Cosby and Mr. Huxtable as two separate people. The person, that is flawed and obviously an awful human being who used his power to take advantage of many. The other, a perfectly created fictional character that helped influence the black perspective for multiple generations of black people all-over the world.

Our kids watch “Little Bill” and they love it. A show where my son gets to see someone just like him. A kid who reads, imagines and loves to go camping in the backyard. A chance to see himself in a television show or cartoon is rare for a child of color and that is important enough to us that we continue to watch it in our home.

I know, I know there are other shows out there with black representation and we have tried. Doc McStuffins, Motown Magic, whatever the spinoff of Home is. They just didn’t stick believe me my wife tried.

The truth is our kids don’t know who Bill Cosby is but they do know little Bill the fictional character.

I struggle to deny the positive representation this fictional family provides for my real family. Our community already lacks tv shows of that caliber and removing it from our lineup is not something I am prepared to do.

The question we should ask our selves is: “why is it that a show that was produced from (1999 to 2004 ) remains one of the best and few kids show for black children to see themselve as the main characters?”

Until I find a show that equally represents my son the way Little Bill has, Little Bill shall remain in our tv lineup.

Pierre.

Ps: suggestions are welcomed.

I get it now and Tomorrow I’ll get it even more and even more the next day and so on.

I get it when they said “Daddy’s Girl”.

She turns 3 this month and already has me wrapped around her fingers. I know it, I am aware of it and cant help it.

The other day she caught me staring at her and ran to give me a hug. I said “Je t’aime Norah” and she answered “Je t’aime Papi” I said “tu es belle” and she said “Oui comme une princesse”.

Later that day as I replayed that moment in my head I realised that I need to make a conscious effort to reinforce all her qualities. She is Smart! Clever! Sassy! Fearless! Extremely Autonomous! (I could go on)

In a world full of social outrage and gillette commercials about boys and toxic masculinity we often overlook how we project on our daughters.

My daughter is beautiful YES ! She loves princesses and loves to dress up GREAT! But that is not all she is and it is one of my MANY DUTIES as her father to make sure she knows that. Yes Mom tells her that all the time but it also needs to come from Dad.

So to my fellow fathers out there remember your princess is Smart, Outgoing, Fearless, Intelligent, Bright Sassy… You get the point.

Pierre

A few weeks ago my wife had a wedding to attend in Washington DC. This meant she would be gone for five days and I was looking forward to a few days with just me and the kids. A Perfect chance to show off my daddy daycare skills (so I thought??)

That was until I realised everyone I could turn to would be out of the country or out of reach at the same time. Mom and Dad in Cuba, Wife and In-laws in DC, Sisters in Ottawa and Morocco.(hmm what were the odds?) Regardless I was confident and thought piece of cake, boy was I wrong.

A typical day in our home consists of getting woken up early by Norah asking for cereal, then dragging Benjamin out of bed and encouraging him to eat breakfast. Followed by getting everyone dressed and ready to be out of the door in time for daycare and off to work.

Eight hours later pickup, swimming lessons or kumon (depending on the day), preparing dinner, eating, cleaning dishes, playing with kids, bath time, reading time and the never ending battle of bed time. Man I am tired just typing this out.

My point is usually we are two to tackle this, day after day after day but, for five days it was just me. Once the kids were asleep I barely had the energy to workout, read, work or even watch tv to unwind.

I am writing this not as a complaint but as a Shout-Out to ALL parents and specially all the SINGLE parents out there. I tip my hat to you. I did what you do for only five days and could not imagine doing this alone on a full time basis. Whether you are struggling or killing it, keep going you got this.

Pierre-Richard Ducasse

A while back I went to a local bar with a friend for some drinks and the weirdest thing happen. Looking around at the demographic of the patrons, all I could think about was TIME.

The crowd was a mixture of mature to older folks. Singles, couples, friends, people looking for love, some celebrating love, some on date night, others drowning sorrows, but the thing that stood out to me the most was TIME. It know it may sound weird but that’s all I could think about.

I know we all say it “Time stands for no one” or “Father time is undefeated” but watching everyone it hit me; one day I will be this persons age or one day my son and daughter will be at a place like this having drinks as adults.

At first it made me sad to think that life all of a sudden seemed so short. But then a sense of happiness washed over me (and no it wasn’t the alcohol making its way to my bloodstream). I was happy because I felt that at this precise moment, I became aware of TIME in a way I never did before. It made me aware to appreciate the little things with kids and family and friends. Things that we often take for granted and that I am now conscious of and can truly appreciate. So if you are reading this remember be aware of how you spend your time.

Pierre-Richard Ducasse.

In the words of Eric B. and Rakim: “It’s been a long time I shouldn’t have left you without  a strong “blog” to step to.”

What can I say I have been busy? tired? lazy? All of the above is probably more accurate.  Between kids activities, year-end with the job that pays the bills I guess I can say life got in the way.

However tonight something happen that got me back on track.

On my drive home from my Tuesday night basket-ball run, I did something I haven’t done in a while; I listened to music in my car, REALLY LOUD! and boy I miss this feeling.

Let me explain, I often drive with the kids in the car and for this reason I always have french children songs or french talk radio to reinforce the french in this anglophone world I live in. Out of habit I rarely change it when I am alone and if I do I listen to random podcasts (Sports, Ted-talks, Freakonomics you know really nerdy stuff)

But tonight, it was Big Boi, Kanye, Fugees, Drake, Eminem and Bustarhymes that helped me turn my 30 minute drive home into a 60 minute one. Songs I don’t listen to around the kids and man it felt good to do something I used to love doing.

Now do not get me wrong this is not a complaint about my life right now. This was just a reminder that sometimes as parents we need to think about ourselves and not forget that we exist as well.

I love my kids but I also spent 30 years on this earth before they showed up and during those 30 years there are things I love doing that I don’t do anymore or as often as I would like.

So tonight I was reminded by Hip-Hop that sometimes you have to remember to do the things you love!

Pierre

PS: Yes my playlist is outdated, and that’s the way I like it. No mumble rap for me !

All parents already know the joys of sleepless nights and having their bed invaded and transformed into a family bed. 

My son will be 4 years old in March. My wife and I were very excited when we were able to get him to get up in the middle of the night to use the washroom instead of wetting the bed.

I am proud of him every time I hear those tiny steps. Often I observe him sleepwalk to the washroom, handle his business and walk back to his room. I am always amazed with what this 3 year old can do.  But lately this feat has backfired. Now instead of walking back to his room, he climbs in our bed and makes himself at home.

If I am not too tired I walk him back to his room and lay with him for a few minutes. Once he is asleep I go back in my bed. Well at least thats how I would like it too happen. Half the time I fall asleep in his bed only to been woken up a couple of hours later by the my daughter calling me from her crib.

This girl already has me wrapped around her tiny fingers. At 20 months old, she already knows that in the middle of the night don’t bother calling mommy. Call daddy. He is a sucker, her will wake up and get me milk at 2 am. (This is not a shot at mommy, I am a super light sleeper and hear everything at night. YAY ME !! )

After her milk she is back asleep and I am back in my bed. An hour later you already know the deal. The boy is back claiming his place in our bed. I admire his persistence and I let  him stay.

4 AM. She is up from her milk coma and wants to cuddle and chants my name again. I know what I’m suppose to do, we have done it before, let her cry she will soon be asleep. But I am too tired to care. I take her from her crib and go sleep in the boys bed with her. She happily cuddles and is back asleep in minutes . I look at the clock and think great “two hours to breakfast”.  If you are following my son is in my bed with mom and I am in his bed with his sister. That’s how most nights have been for a while.

Now I know this can all be fixed with two weeks of letting them cry and we will soon get our bed back and some kind of decent sleep routine. But honestly I like this routine.

One day they won’t want anything to do with me. They will think I am corny and annoying and want me out of their rooms. So I figure I might as well get it while I can. Sleep be damned.

Sorry babe you are right they will be in our bed until their teens and I am OK with that.

Pierre-Richard Ducasse

(Originally published on November 30 2017)

A couple of months ago a friend of mine suggested I start a dad blog. She felt that there are not enough fathers blogging and even less representation from black fathers.  The idea seemed interesting and I went home excited. A few weeks went by and of course I did nothing. While I felt that I should give it a shot, I kept coming up with every reason in the world not to do this. I.e.: why would I want to share my life and my kids? why would someone even read this? my life is not that interesting, I cannot write (really I suck), anything you can think of I probably thought of it.

This morning I woke up and thought just do it. See how it goes, you will never know until you try right? and if you don’t like it you can delete it. It’s not like the Internet is forever right ?

So after reading a few “how to start a blog for newbies” articles. I now have a blog.

And who am I? you are probably thinking. (Actually at this point probably only my friends are reading this but whatever entertain me)

My name is Pierre-Richard (or Pierre for short unless you speak French and wont butcher it). I am 34 years old, I am married to an awesome woman that tolerates all my nonsense. I have 2 kids, a 3 and half year old boy and a 1 and half year old girl. I live in Toronto. I like sports, food, cars etc. all the typical things that a child my age likes. But enough about me for now.

About this blog, I am not yet sure what I want out of it and what it will become. So if you are reading this first thank you and second be patient, give me a chance and also be nice (pretty please). So yeah that’s all I have right now. I felt that I needed to take the first step if this was ever going to get off the ground. So that’s it first step taken !!

Good Night

Pierre-Richard D.

(Originally publish on November 2 2017)